Steve Jobs once said, “Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”
At 25, I was already dreaming of having my own family. I knew not everyone my age would have thought of that and some people might think I’m crazy for already wanting to start a family. Coming from a broken home, I grew up with the desire to have a good marriage and a happy home. My husband (who’s my boyfriend back then) and I have discussed marriage and thought that we were going to follow a traditional way, marriage before children. But it doesn’t turn out the way we planned. I got pregnant first before getting married.
My journey to motherhood began 6 years ago. In July 2012, I gave birth to my first child, a baby girl. Labor wasn’t easy but I was able to bear the pain of contractions because I prepared myself to tolerate the pain without getting panic. I have to say that all the pain was worth it when I saw my baby for the first time. Being a first time mom was harder than I ever thought. So they were right when they say that you’ll never understand what being a mom is like until you become one! But having my husband and my mother by my side helped me survived the newborn blues and sleepless nights. I could never have been more grateful for my mom’s presence throughout my motherhood journey. She’s the one who watched over my baby when I returned to work after my maternity leave. It was hard to leave my baby and spend time with her only during weekends and holidays. But we got through that kind of setup for 4 years.
In January 2016, I still remember how we prayed to have another baby because we felt it was the right time to have another one, and probably the last one. God must have heard us because in April 2016 I found out that I was pregnant with my second child. We have waited four years because there’s a lot to take considerations when deciding to have another child like finances, child care, education. I also wanted to enjoy my time with my first born. It also helped me become emotionally and physically prepared to cope with a second child. The almost 5 year age gap between them has turned out to be a blessing. The second pregnancy was similar to my first one. I have never experienced morning sickness or headache, it was a smooth sailing pregnancy. Fast forward, I gave birth to my second child, this time a baby boy on December 2016, a day before my 31st birthday. It was the best birthday and Christmas gift wrapped into one.
My eldest is now six, and my youngest is 19 months old. Every day I worry a lot about them. That I might not doing a good job, that I’m going to make a mistake raising them. As I reflect on the last six years, I’ve realized that being a mom is hard but rewarding. Rewarding because you have someone who will love you unconditionally. I love every single thing about being one. My heart had never been full. As my favorite quote says, “Motherhood is a journey, not a destination”. I always thought that becoming a mother would make me feel complete as a person. But instead of completing me, it gave me a new sense of direction. It changed and shaped me to become a better version of myself. I know that there is no way to be a perfect mother, but I will always find a million ways to be a good one.